i called this : curhat

“Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace kisses and punches”

- Ashleigh Brilliant - 

Alright sepertinya ini sesi curhat pertama di blog saya. Well i thought about it sooo maaaaany tiiiiiimes... post it or not post it or not... and i decided to post it. Why? Because i need to talk about it.

Jaman SMA, i was a straight-talking person. If i felt something, i said it right away. “A” was “A” and “B” was “B”. Sayangnya, ke-blak-blak-an saya itu seringnya nyelekit and hurt people’s feelings. I even fought with my bestfriend because of that thing -____-”. I admitted that as my dark side and tried hard to change that. I dont want to be hurt, so i dont want to hurt other.

Apa usaha saya? I tried to control my feelings, thought twice before i speak, and talked in a much better way (dulu biasanya agak galak dan menuntut). Menurut saya sih cukup berhasil, karena sekarang hampir ga pernah berantem sama siapapun gara-gara ucapan saya yang ngga enak itu.

Unfortunately, feels like i’ve changed too much until this point à i find it difficult to express my true feelings. I just realized that....

Ah my concentration was broken because my neighbor is playing Wali’s songs loudly -_____-!

.... now, i usually keep my feelings for myself. That’s why people are sometimes misunderstand me. Well my reason was i wanted to be strong, i dont wanna be a girl who complaint a lot, who cry a lot, who ask for understanding from others. But for me, i faced so many times of confusion, asked myself “What do i want? What should i do?”. I got some difficult and confusing times, i needed others’ help and attention, but i couldnt ask for it. It frustrated me, actually.

Uh-oh ini post kok kayanya udah mulai cengeng ya bzzz.

Itulah, sekarang, saya kalo mau curhat tuh mikir-mikir dulu. Penting ngga sih ini dicurhatin? Ah kayanya engga deh. Trus akhirnya gajadi curhat. Eh, ujung-ujungnya bingung sendiri harus gimana :hammer:

Untungnya, if something bad (and unimportant) happens to me (or ruins my mood), i forget about it easily. Jadi misalnya sekarang ada kejadian X yang bikin bad mood, besoknya saya udah fine fine lagi kok. Udah lupa tuh kalo kemarin ada kejadian X. Intinya, saya males kalo harus ribut sama orang.

Masalah lainnya adalah kalo ada yang curhat ato ngomong (dalam case ini, by sms) apaaa gitu dan itu sifatnya penting. Kadang karena saking bingungnya mau bales apa atau bisa juga karena saya kurang nangkep maksud sebenarnya dari sms itu (you know lah, itulah keterbatasan sms), respon saya gagal memuaskan keinginan mereka. It doesnt mean i dont care, i’m just confused how to respond. 

Makanya saya lebih suka ketemu langsung atau at least by phone lah daripada by text doang. Saya jauh lebih pintar membaca wajah dan suara daripada membaca emosi orang hanya dari tulisan. Yah daripada salah paham, it’s much better to text what you want what you feel, clearly. 

Iya, saya kurang peka kalo disuruh menganalisis dari sms, wajar ngga sih? (plis semoga iya). Dulu pernah berantem sama seorang sahabat gara-gara sms, nah males banget itu, ogah lagi-lagi deh.

Fiuuuh lega hahaha. Well, that’s me hehe

I’ve got some messages for beloved people around me :

For you who brought up this topic : thanks! Lets start this new stage, shall we? J

For you and you who fight a lot : there are so many chances. But you will never see them if you keep looking back. Anyway, i’m still here J

For you whose heart is “flowering” : im so excited!! Best best best best wishes for you :***

Love love love,